strength
by EpimetheusUnbound
Summary: America/Australia, others implied This is just my reaction to the common misrepresentation of comparative strength.


wiki/List_of_countries_by_military_expenditures

news/world-31619553

. . .ZS

campaigns/military-spending-united-states/?gclid=CK3cz7qy68QCFWZo7Aod4iUACg

. /info-hub/news/12-01-25/eu_and_us_government_defence_spending

news/fisher-australian-military-spending-spree-puts-canadas-defence-budget-to-shame

news/canada/canadian-politics/canadas-dystfunctional-military-spending-caused-by-brain-drain-and-budget-cuts-report-finds

news/canada/canadian-politics/canada-and-germany-derail-nato-request-to-increase-military-spending-targets

US military spending is nearly 3 times as much as the EU and about 41 times as much as Canada.

The NATO members are all at the gym Canada is standing around drinking a protein shake and talking with Germany. America bounces up to them, sweat glistening on his athletic form. "Hello dahlin'." he says drawing out the word darling in a sweet Mississippi drawl. America crosses his arms reaching to grab Canada's hand with his right and Germany's with his left. He gently tries to draw them with him. "Why don't you two come workout with me?"

Canada and Germany both draw slightly away from America. Canada looks annoyed and embarrassed, "I don't really feel like working out."

"But what if something happens?"

"You'll be there to protect me."

"Well, yeah, but I can't be there all the time. What if something happens when I'm not around?"

"America, I just haven't been in the mood to workout."

"Dude, you really should pull your own weight. It's not fair to the other NATO members. If you would just put in twice as much effort as you are now, it would make a huge difference."

"America, I don't want to. Stop trying to make me workout when I've told you that I don't want to."

America sighs and goes to hit the showers. He notices that Australia is also heading for the showers. 'Cool, gym shower sex.' America thinks to himself as he follows Australia.

America stands in the locker room watching Australia strip. Australia doesn't notice him at first, but then his eyes meet America's appreciative gaze. Australia grins as America, having waited for Australia's eyes to be on him, strips. "You are so goddamn dirty." Australia utters, his voice growing husky.

America takes both of Australia's hands in his own and backs toward the showers. Australia pauses and frowns a bit, "Canada still being lazy? I saw you talking to him."

America looks annoyed, "I really don't want to talk about him right now."

Australia's grin returns and the two start making out in the showers, when they are interrupted by France and England. "Oi, what the bloody fuck do you two think you're doing in a public place?"

France smirks, "You should be able to tell. It hasn't been that long since the last time that we…"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." England says, his voice full of quiet menace.

America and Australia are still making out. Their mouths are locked in a kiss, their hands grasping each other's members. Their rushing, because they know that England will break them apart at any moment. England stomps over, yanking Australia to the side away from America. He's about 3 times as strong as Australia. America cums right then, it splatters on England, who blanches and then blushes. Once America comes down from his high, he stares at England innocently, his head cocked slightly to one side.

"What the fuck man? Why'd you get in the way?"

England's outrage bubbles over and he starts swearing and shouting at America. America finishes showering off, trying to ignore the irate country. France and Australia have already slunk off, while America is pursued by a lecturing England. Canada giggles as he watches England follow America out of the gym. Germany just looks annoyed. He decides to head to the library, he's more in the mood for studying than exercising anyway. He invites Canada to join him and Canada readily agrees.

[I read a fanfic that had Canada winning in a fight against Russia. Russia spends about 6 times as much militarily as Canada.]

Canada's walking home with his grocery's one day when Russia grabs him and forces him into his car. Canada goes for his cell phone, but Russia throws it out the window. Estonia happened to witness the incident and calls America.

America's pissed, 'I'll fucking kill him.' he thinks as he slams the door of his car closed and chases after Russia. He quickly catches up, his car is newer, and runs Russia off the road. Russia and Canada both emerge from the car, Russia looks fine, but Canada looks shaken. America confronts the totalitarian bastard. "What the fuck; do you want me to crush you?"

"You have the muscle, but you don't have the balls, America." Russia smirks.

"You know, Saddam Hussein once said something similar."

"I wasn't going to hurt your precious baby brother. I just wanted him to take a ride with me."

America weighs the diplomatic consequences of ripping Russia's nuts off. Canada's made his way over to his brother, "America, can we please just go home. I just want to go home."

America supports Canada as they walk toward America's car. "Maybe I should take you to urgent care."

"No, I'm fine, I just want to go home."

America makes chicken soup for Canada. "How did you find out so fast?"

"Estonia saw the entire thing."

"Oh."

"What that fucker do to you anyway?"

"Nothing, he just talked."

"Why couldn't he just talk like a normal person? What's with the abduction?"

Canada merely shrugs.

"What'd he talk about?"

"Just stuff. Like how beautiful I am and all the creepy things he wants to do to me. He also said that I should stay away from Ukraine. He said that it was none of my business what was happening between them. He said that it was a family matter and none of my business and that I should use my influence to get you to stay out of it as well."

"That's what I hate about him. He's a bully. He's always picking on the weak."

That hurt more than Canada wanted to admit.

.. The next day..

"You know, a lot of people think that you and Russia have violent hate sex."

America looks shocked, "Why would they think that?"

Canada studies America's expression carefully, he's wondered about the details of their relationship as well, "Well, because they think he's the only one who can face you as an equal in strength."

America says dismissively, "He's nowhere near as strong as I am. Hell, he's not even as strong as China. I'm eight times as strong as Russia and China's almost twice as strong as Russia. Saudi Arabia and England are Russia's equals strength-wise."

"How do you know all this?"

"Mhmm," America's mind is wandering as he starts assembling a sandwich, "well, defense is my thing."

"Who am I evenly matched with, strength-wise?"

"Italy."

"Italy," Canada looks shocked, "that can't be right."

"Your right, Italy is actually stronger than you."

Canada opens his phone to check the numbers. He was not going to believe his brother on this. He found out that his brother was right. Still, America would always protect him, leaving him free to use his money for other things, like education. Canada new that an attack on him was an attack on America, and that hadn't worked out well for people in the past. They'd be idiots to attack Canada. America continued talking, "China may soon be my military equal, maybe by the 2040s."

"Wait, are you and China having freaky violent sex?"

"Our relationship is more economic than military. I don't really hate China either; I just wish he was democratic and not so prone to randomly killing his population."

Canada noticed that America didn't really address whether he and China were having sex or not.

"Well, at least I'm stronger than the Latin American countries."

"Dude, Brasil is stronger than you."

"What?"

"Yeah, didn't you know?"

"No." Canada was really starting to feel embarrassed.

America finally seemed to notice Canada's reaction, "Well, you're still stronger than Mexico."

"Oh, goody."

"Well, that's why I'm saying that you should work out more."

"America, I have other things to spend money on."

"You think I don't?"

"Just drop it."

"Fine." America leaves in a huff.


End file.
